kinakamusta mo ang love life ko?...

...

may pangarap ako.

dahil depressed ako. eto ang mga bagay na pinangarap kong gawin sa buhay ko na umaasa akong magagawa ko pa. hahaha.

1. matuto mag Bass guitar. - bata pa lang ata ako pangarap ko na to eh. di lang ako natuto dahil ah.. dahil sa napakaraming rason. kapag nakikinig ako ng kanta, hinahanap ko agad yung tunog nung bass. naamaze kasi ako na apat lang yung string nya pero parang kulang ang tugtugan kung wala sya. haha.

2. makagawa ng isang libro. - bata pa lang din ako pangarap ko na to. Highschool pa lang ako, nagbalak na ako. wala lang akong kilalang publisher. ipupublish ko na ang 30 plus ko na poems na feeling ko nung panahong yun maganda. hahaha..

3. Rumampa sa isang fashion show. wahaha. oo. yung magmodel for FULLER sized women. gusto kong ipakitang hindi porket XL ang mga damit mo, wala ka ng karapatang rumampa. hahaha.

4. umikot sa buong mundo. as in, yung tipong magmumukhang sticker book ang passport ko sa dami ng bansang pinuntahan ko. hindi dahil pasikat ako pero dahil gusto ko makita ng personal ang mga binabasa ko lang sa History books dati. Dream destinations? Rome. Paris. Greece. Egypt. Jerusalem. Great Wall of China. Japan. ayan. haha

5. magdrive sa NLEX. tumigil sa gitna at magPicture lang, gabi hanggang umaga. - amazed na amazed ako sa ilaw at daan dun eh. tuwing dumadaan kami dun. iniimagine kong andun ako sa isang tabi, nakaupo, nagpipicture.

6. magworship lead sa mga bata. pakiramdam ko kasi, may fulfillment na makitang may nagwoworship na mga bata. basta. mahirap iexplain.

7. magtayo ng Pastor's Wife Ministry. di ko lang alam kung magiging pastor's wife ako. pero gusto ko lang na magkaron ng Women's fellowship sa kubo ng magiging bahay ko. wahahaha.

8. makapunta sa isang isolated na lugar, overlooking Metro Manila ng madaling araw. magsisisigaw lang ako. hahaha. pero kung may kasama ako, ayus. masarap mangarap sa ilalim ng mga bituin. hahaha.

9. mag-kapamilya. shocks. pangarap ko to. siguro dahil pakiramdam ko fulfillment ng isang babae ang maging nanay. hahaha.

10. syempre ang maging full-time wife. take note: FULL TIME. kasi ayaw ko ng commitment. hahaha. ayun. well. only GOD can change me and He is working naman in my life. yun lang. hahaha. sana maintindihan nyang mahal ko ang magiging profession ko kaya suportahan nya ako. hahaha

oh. nagtataka ka bakit wala ang pagiging lawyer??? syempre given na yun.. Law Student na ako eh. :)

when going gets tough...

they say that when going gets tough, the tough gets going.

but what if, the tough one does not know where to go. the effort will be futile. life will just be revolving around the same problems. ikot ka ng ikot, wala ka namang pupuntahan. that's the worst part of being in a journey. being lost.

lost, in a sense that you are stuck in the middle of no where, with no one to talk to, with no gadgets to help you, and with nothing. lost. empty and alone.

so how will a tough person get going?.

i don't know how exactly. all i know is that at the time that i am completely lost and i began to admit that i was lost and that i need help. Someone came and found me. He gave me water- to clean me from all the dirt. He gave me food - to replenish whatever is lacking. He gave me love- to remind me that I was never alone and never will be.

it is just that... He has to let me wander off so I can be reminded of my priorities. He let me be on my way to remind me that whatever I want will not necessarily make me happy. He had let me be broken, so He can make me whole again.

He is my Jesus. my sweet Jesus. :)

one of the sweet songs i ever heard.

kung haharanahin man ako. sana ito na lang. :)

masarap maging single

isang araw magigising ka na lang na alam mong tapos na.
alam mong nabuhay at mabubuhay ka na okay, nandyan man sya o wala.
siguro kailangan nating matuto na mabuhay mag-isa para matuto tayo mag-alaga ng iba.
kailangan matuto tayong maging okay para makatulong sa ibang nangangailangan.
wala namang masama masaktan, minsan kasi, natututo tayo after nating madapa.
walang masama. walang masama na maramdamang nag-iisa.

dahil kapag nag-iisa tayo. tahimik ang paligid. lahat pwede maisip.
at kapag pagod na tayo mag-isip ng kung anu-ano, marerealize nating okay tayo.
nandyan Siya sa tabi natin. kumikilos sa ating buhay, alam man natin o hindi.

nandyan Siya para ipaalala sating hindi tayo nag-iisa. na may nagmamahal satin.
kaya masarap maging single eh, dun mo makikitang hindi dapat sa iisang tao umiikot ang mundo mo.
makikita at mararamdaman mong maraming nagmamahal sayo at na marunong kang magmahal ng walang hinihintay na kapalit.

masarap maging single dahil masarap maramdaman ang pagmamahal ni GOD.

hey stephen

stephen,

i miss you. i miss going out with you. i miss spending time with you. i miss the talks we used to have. i miss the laughs. i miss the pranks we used to pull off. i miss being normal.

it is not everyday that i meet someone like you, you know. maybe that is one of the reasons why i'm still here with you. You are an amazing person and it would really break my heart if you'll be with someone who would just treat you like trash. So please, be careful in giving your heart. At any rate, i'll be here behind you and to support your decisions.

love,
your fan. :)

nakakapagod

ikaw lang naman ang hinihintay ko eh... at pagod na ako.

... 

1 sem down. 7 more to go.

apart from Me, you are nothing...

after ko makita ang grades ko.... sarap ng sigaw kong "YES!" sa Dean's office.

oo. pumasa ako sa unang sem ko sa lawschool. trial sem ko to. hahaha. maraming sablay. maraming kalokohan. maraming tulog. maraming kabalbalan. maraming kaartehan. maraming katamaran at maraming kalandian.

kung paano ako pumasa? hindi ko pwedeng sabihing aral lang, tiyaga at tibay ng loob.

dahil kung ito lang ang basehan, kalagitnaan pa lang sumuko na ako sa labanan. hindi tinrain ang utak kong magbasa ng sobrang dami, magmemorize ng sobrang tindi at recite habang nagjajumping jacks ang puso ko.

whatever I had done is not enough. there is Someone up there who inspired me that I can do things more than what I can imagine. Someone up there who reminded me that my value is not based on the grades that I get after a recit or a quiz or even major exams. Someone up there who pushed me to go this far though I thought I could never go on after a depressing day. Someone who moved hearts of professors to adjust cut-offs.

I am glad that I am not alone in my journey here in Law School...

I can always depend on that Someone who loves me unconditionally. 

I love you, GOD.  

letters

dear you.

selfish ako kaya hihilingin kong sana dyan ka lang. wag ka aalis. o kung aalis ka man, please please wag mo akong iiwan ng matagal. pwede ba yun?. all my life i've ran away from people that i should have kept and loved. this time i don't wanna make the same mistake again. please do stay. i will wait. i will wait for the longest time because I know you will be worth every second of waiting and hoping. I'm just saying that please, the moment you found me, please don't go, let's grow old together.

grades na bukas.

wala ng sasakit pa sa masakit na katotohanan.

bukas ko na makikita ang grades ko. kung pano ko hinandle ang first sem ko dito sa lawschool. wow. nakaone sem na ako pero pakiramdam ko, baguhan pa ako. siguro nga, you can never be too ready sa law school. anyway. hindi ko alam ang ieexpect ko. natatakot akong makita na hindi talaga ako pang-law school dahil shocks, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kung hindi ako para dito. 

buong buhay ko ata, pinangarap kong magsabi ng "objection, your honor" o makipagdebate kung sinu-sino o kaya naman eh magbasa ng mga kaso. 10 years old pa lang ako, fascinated na ako sa Revised Penal Code. Nasabi ko na bang enjoy akong nagbabasa ng mga kaso ng tatay ko. shocks. baka di ko kayanin kung malalaman kong hindi ako para dito. na hindi ako pang law school.

mas matatanggap ko atang sabihin sakin na hindi na ako papayat kesa naman sabihin saking kahit kelan hindi ako magiging abogada.

****************
GOD,
pinanghahawakan ko ang sinabi mo sakin bago ako pumasok dito... "bloom to where i am planted..".. eto naman ako ah.. tulungan mo lang ako. :)

falling in love and waiting

after some time alone i realize why i usually get frustrated and disappointed with love.

• i overanalyze things
• i expect too much
• fear of rejection 
• fear of being controlled
• fear of heartbreak

in short... masyado ata akong nagmamadali. 

falling in love is not a choice but staying in love is. there would come a time that the kilig factor will be gone, feelings will turn sour and bitterness will be there but that's also the time where we can ask ourselves if we really love this person.

if despite everything and we still think of that someone, if we still long to be with that someone, if we still miss spending time with that someone... well, we can say, we are choosing to stay in love with that person. He is a nice person and i don't want to assume anything out of it but i am grateful of the lessons i'm learning because he is in my life. 

_+_+__+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_

i am a control-freak and honestly, i do not want to be tied down to anything or anyone.. until i met this person whom i cannot control and who can make me smile even if i am with him despite my schedule. 

after meeting him i realized that i should not rush going into a relationship because there is a right time. i should enjoy the ride and learn from this phase. 

waiting is part of a phase if you are looking for a long term relationship. its teaching you to be patient, to be more understanding, to be committed, to be appreciative and less demanding. it teaches you to love. 

awakening

maybe its wrong to say please love me too because i know you'll never do.

mahal kita kaya lang tama na. hindi na tama ang patuloy na ganito, ang pag-iisip kung ano ka, ano ako, ano tayo. hindi naman mutual understanding dahil walang understanding in the first place. hindi ko nga maintindihan kung bakit masyado kitang iniisip o masyado kong nilalagyan ng meaning yang mga ginagawa mo o yung mga nangyayari. okay na ako sa malayo eh, malayong paghanga, bakit ba kasi lumapit ka pa. ayan tuloy, di ko naman mapipigilan ang sarili kong umasa. at di ko ring mapipigilan ang sarili kong masaktan tuwing nakikita kong kahit andun ako sa tabi mo, iba parin ang hinahanap mo. 


naglolokohan lang ba tayo?. pinaparamdam mo saking andyan ka pero meron kang mahal na iba. sasabihin kong wala lang, okay lang ako pero ang totoo hindi naman. pero ngayon eto na. matapos ang ilang taon, nagising na ata ako sa katotohanang wala na. 


tama na. mahal kita. pero pagod na ata akong umasa. actually wala naman tong kinalaman sayo eh. haha. wala namang magbabago sa kung anong meron tayo. siguro akin lang to. 


maybe i got over the phase of being in love with love itself.


so there. 

heart versus mind

how close is being too close?


being close to someone you love is never an easy feat. it is a constant struggle of following your heart and following your brain. especially when it is a one-sided love affair (aka. mahal ko sya pero may mahal syang iba). not that i'm bitter to those guys who treats their girl bestfriend as special but as a girl who loves that guy, unknowingly he puts her to a deep confusion. 


we can't blame the girl for falling for her bestfriend or we can't blame her for letting him be close despite her feelings but we can't blame the guy too for falling in love with someone else.
as we all know, falling in love is not a choice, staying in love is. we can't choose who we will love but we can at least find a way to divert attention to lessen it.


so back to the dilemma: the girl fell in love with her bestfriend and she knew that he likes/loves someone else. 


we can't blame a guy for being naturally sweet and caring because in his mind that's how a bestfriend should act out but we should not blame the girl too for admiring her bestfriend and making him as a standard for what a guy should be.


so she is in a struggle. heart versus mind. example:


SCENE: a guy spends time with his bestfriend.
HEART: he is doing it because he wants to know me better, he likes me.
MIND: he does this with all of his friends or if not, you are the only one available that time... or that's what bestfriends do, spend time with each other. 


SCENE: a guy puts on extra-effort in meeting his bestfriend.
HEART: he is doing it because finally he loves me.
MIND: he is doing it because he is a friend and that's how friends should be... very caring.


BOTTOMLINE:
a girl can never tell whether a guy likes her or not based on his actions alone. she can always assume but she can never be too sure. if a guy likes a girl, sooner or later he will admit it and that's the only way to confirm if the guy really likes her. 
without it, its plain friendship and that is what a bestfriend shall enjoy or endure, depending on her outlook.


to be positive about it. not all can be so close to the ones they love. eventually feelings will fade and friendship shall remain.


but if GOD wills it that the love will be reciprocated, then what a good foundation it is for a long-lasting marriage. 

love.

i prayed for Prince Charming, i got Mr. Alarming
I asked for Mr. Right, I got Mr. Wrong.
I wanted Mr. Congeniality, I got Mr. Individuality.


I used to be a Hopeless Romantic, I became Romantically Hopeless.
I was a dreamer, now I am kinda bitter.
I thought I didn't care, now I realized I was just fooling myself.


I thought it was never my fault but now I know at some point it is mine to blame.
I realized that its not how others have hurt me but how i reacted to what had happened.
I can never control things to go my way but I can still be happy of what I have.


GOD doesn't always give us what we want because what we want may not necessarily give us the happiness that we want to achieve at the end of the day. What He gives us are those that we need because He knows the best and that "best" can really make us happy.


so now, i guess. I just have to let go of the driver's wheel, hand it over to GOD and sit on the passenger's seat. 

GOD.

who ever said that the journey in keeping up with GOD is easy, i will still say, i don't believe you.

 life in itself is crazy. like a rollercoaster full of ups and downs. people come and go even those who chose or we chose to stay either hurts us or was hurt by staying.


my journey with GOD was not an easy road to take. yeah i pray to HIM even as a kid but the real score in following HIM had been a bumpy ride.


He is up there and I am down here. i know things happen for a reason but there are some questions that are left unanswered. there are times when i needed HIS guidance and I still feel clueless. There are times that i know i am blessed but i still feel empty.


there are times when i wanted to talk to HIM BUT i feel so small. who am i to talk or demand to a BIG GOD?. how can i ask SOMEONE THAT POWERFUL to help someone as weak as i am. how can i ask someone as RIGHTEOUS as GOD to forgive a sinner like me...


well. like any movement goes, all it takes is a little step...
these are the steps that i formulated (based on experience)


1. acknowledgment- of an "unconfessed sin" that is lurched in our hearts. this is the blockage to our prayer time with GOD.
2. acceptance- that we did something wrong and that we have to face the consequences of our actions.
3. repentance.- saying sorry and being firm in not doing it again.
4. forgiveness- savoring the moment of talking with GOD and knowing better on how to avoid sinning.
5. living again.- it is written in the bible that when we genuinely asked for forgiveness and repented, GOD throws away our sins to the deepest part of the ocean. if GOD did that, who are we to find faults against ourselves again?... 


well. i dont know where to start or if this is the best way to start but NOW IS THE RIGHT TIME TO TALK TO GOD. :)


HE knows you. your hopes, your dreams, your aspirations. your failures your achievements, your strengths and weaknesses. HE KNOWS YOUR NEEDS AND HE WILL GLADLY MEET THEM... 

flight syndrome

dear stephen.


sa mga panahong katulad nito okay lang na andyan ka at andito ako.
hindi ko nga alam kung bakit meron na naman akong flight syndrome. 

hiling ako ng hiling pero kapag andyan na, ayaw ko na.

maybe i'm too scared. scared that i'll do something wrong to scare you away. maybe i'll be too much that you'll get tired of me. maybe i'll be too demanding that you will not be good enough. either way, im just scared of falling in love and losing you somewhere along the way.

so if you feel that i am getting cold, please do not go but keep me warm under your embrace.

if you feel that i am getting too clingy, please do not go but hug me so i will feel secured.

 haha. shocks stephen. wala akong masabi. maybe i just wanna say i miss you pero i dont wanna see you. hahaha. its just because you live your life and i live mine. i don't know when i'll see you or if i'll be able to hang out with you but i know i want to.


i have a lot of fears but i know i'll manage. haha. shocks. ngayon lang ata ako naging ganito. hahaha. weird. 

enrollment: law student style.

i only have a few clearance in my hands, if your name is not on the list, proceed to room 127.

once upon a time, walang kwenta ang clearance kasi alam yung na yung grades mo bago mo pa to makuha. bukod dun, wala ako masyadong pinoproblema- grades lang kung aabot sa dean's lister o sa laude.

eh ngayon..... 


mismong clearance na wala parin ang grades mo. next sem mo pa malalaman kung anong performance mo. ang iaabot lang sayo ay isang trial sheet.


trial sheet- andun ang list of subjects na pwede mo ienroll. walang grades. walang passed or failed. only the trial sheet. 


kapag binigyan ka nun, you are still in the race of becoming a law student. kapag wala, di ka muna makakaenroll kasi titingnan pa kung may bagsak ka. kung lumampas ka sa 8 unit rule, dead ka.


kung nabigyan ka ng trial sheet. hindi ibig sabihin nun, okay ka na. problema mo pa rin ang QPI mo na dapat umaabot sa cut off. kung hindi. you are still DEAD.


so ayun. 


isa ako sa pinalad na mabigyan ng trial sheet. nakaenroll naman ako. pero it is not an assurance na solb na ako.


ano ba naman tong pinasok ko. :)


hindi ko rin alam. basta ang alam ko. masaya ako sa law school. 


thank you LORD. for the privilege. :)

sembreak with my GIRL best friend. :)

one day a girl nicknamed bujoy 

wanted to eat @ shakeys

of course she ate with her

bestestfriend BOCHOGS

 and her kapatid ANNE

AND SO WE HAD A GREAT TIME

this is my best-est friend 

ELAINE

 AKALA MO LANG JOKETIME...

PARANG BANGAG LANG...

 MATARAY

 EMO

 BANGAG

MATAKAW

 PERO BESTFRIEND KO YAN

SHE ACCEPTS MY WEAKNESSES AND FAULTS

 SEES MY WACKY SIDE

 AND LETS ME LEARN FROM MISTAKES

YAN SI ELAINE

 MALAKI

KORNI.

SABOG

CONSERVATIVE

POSSESSIVE

EMO

PERO.. LOVE NA LOVE KO YAN.

SYA ANG AKING ANSWERED PRAYER..

 LORD,
i don't know what I did for you to give me a bestfriend in elaine but i will be eternally grateful.
she is my alter-ego. she is my answered prayer. thank you Lord.
bless our friendship and lives. we had been through ups and downs and yet i know you will guide us through it all. in JESUS name. amen

dear mr. busdriver

dear mr. bus driver.


before you push that pedal to the maximum possible speed. 


remember that you are not alone. you have passengers hoping to get home safely. upon entering the bus, they know that no matter how much they complain and no matter how late they will be, they can never control the speed because you hold the steering wheel and the pedal. They entrusted their lives to your hands, do not waste it by letting your ego drive and race with other motorists.
Publish Post
remember that you do not own the bus. the company that you are working for owns it. it is not your investment but their hard earned money and high hopes for profits. in economics, that is what you call trickle down effect. you make the rich, richer their employees get richer too in a sense by bonuses, benefits,etc. (at least in theories). 

lastly, remember your family. hoping to see you as soon as your work is done. they depend on your salary and of course your presence as a dad, a brother, a son and a husband. when you get charged and convicted of reckless driving resulting to multiple homicide and physical injuries, you go to jail. same thing when your included to those who died in the accident. either way, you deprive them of a life to be spent with you.

so there.

love,
a bus passenger

love triangles

bakit ba laging pinapatay ang isa sa love triangle? kailangan ba talaga mawala ang isa para makapili ka?

thanks google

napansin ko lang ang trend sa mga telenovela: Katorse hanggang iDOL. pero sige, wag tayo magdwell sa telenovela, let's talk about love triangles.


love triangle. 
of course hindi circle, kasi kung circle- walang problema, two people just reciprocate the love. 
hindi square dahil hindi naman ganun kaextreme ang pagiging complicated na mahal mo ay mahal ng iba na minamahal din ng iba na nagmamahal sayo. 


triangle. ang mahal mo ay mahal din ng iba. at wala kang magagawa kundi tanggapin ang pipiliin nya.


tatlong tao ang involved.
ang nagmamahal
ang minamahal
at


ang pinili..


i think yun ang problema sa mga telenovela eh. bakit nila pinapatay ang isa sa mga choices? 
nawawala ang element of choice. nawawala ang element of consequences.


sa totoong buhay, hindi naman lahat ng hindi napipili namamatay eh. 
at hindi naman lahat ng pipili eh makakapili dahil na-eliminate na lang bigla ang choice diba.


wala lang. diba. why deprive other people the right to be hurt and be stronger after. why deprive them of the lessons that they may learn. ganun talaga ang buhay. 


kung ikaw ang piliin nya, then be thankful for the opportunity to love and be loved.


kung hindi ikaw ang pinili... here's the thing. 


stop thinking that you are not good enough for that person.
you are good enough. its just that maybe its not for that person.
or maybe this is not yet the right time for you two to be a couple.


whatever the reason, take this as an opportunity to enjoy life with people who love you like family friends and of course GOD. :)

sembreak with my guy best friend. :)

Sa wakas sembreak na. 

in pictures.

a law student named Joy once dreamt of sembreak.

after studying day in and day out 

with her bestfriend accompanying her every Tuesday

 

sa Starbucks to study... or ministop..

 sa wakas sembreak na!!!

and so they bonded :) 

 and goofed around.

 til its time for them to go home and sleep. :)

but before parting ways.. the best of friends first

PRAYED.

AND thanked God for

the friendship and the bonding time together.

and of course,

for giving me a guy bestfriend

who is

patient

spontaneous

wacky

talented

etc. 

no reposts please. :)

Sa wakas sembreak na.

Masaya ako.

Nagcelebrate ako ng "sa wakas sembreak na" simula 10 pm hanggang 7 am ng umaga.

Parang tagal ko na atang pinangarap yung

Magiistarbaks akong walang babasahing kaso o libro kundi manood ng dvd
Magmcdo para lang bumili ng twisterfries at hindi kape
Magministop ng hindi mag-aaral
Magpuyat para lang makipagkwentuhan
Maglakad ng hindi nagmamadali

At higit sa lahat pumasok lang sa uste para magpicture at tumawa.

Panalo diba. Pero mas okay sya dahil kasama ko ang bestfriend kong nagcelebrate nito.

Sabi nila imposible daw magkasama ang babae at lalaki ng magdamag na walang ginagawang kalokohan.

I guess we defied the odds. Dahil tumagal kaming magkasamang masaya sa kwentuhan at tawanan.

Di ko alam kung paano ako natagalan nitong mokong na to lalo na sa crazy law school life ko pero by God's grace eto kasama ko parin sya. Hahaha

All i can say is thank you Lord. Di naman lahat nabibigyan ng ganitong experience eh. Hindi lahat nagiging aware sa blessings at hindi lahat kuntento na sa meron sila.

Hugs.

istarbaks.

sa isang daang piso.

wala parin akong istarbaks na kape pero meron na akong siomai rice, manggang maasim, iskrambol, isang oras na facebook sa compshop, isang set na photocopy at pisbol at kikiam. 

minsan naiisip ko bakit nga ba ako gumagastos ng higit sa isang daan para sa mainit na kapeng lumalamig din o malamig na kapeng natutunaw din. 

pwede namang kumuha ng baso at magtimpla ng nescafe o kahit ano pero eto ako, di mapigilan ang paghigop sa napakasarap na white chocolate mocha hot. 

minsan iniisip ko kung bakit ba ako nagpapakatali sa gusto ko kahit mahal. kahit magastos. kahit mahirap imaintain. mawawala din naman to eh. pero mapipigilan ko nga ba ang sarili ko?. parang hindi. (at parang hindi na yung istarbaks kong kape ang tinutukoy ko.) hahaha. :) 

okay naman ako. mas okay na atang ganito. 

Mutual understanding

Em yu.
Mutual understanding.

Magulong usapan.
Matinding uncertainty
masakit sa ulo
morons in unison

mapagpaasang usapan.

Magulo ang emyu. Actually nakakatawa ang stage na yan. Binigyan ka ng karapatang kiligin pero hindi ang karapatang magselos at magdemand. Gusto ko nya pero hindi enough para maging kayo. Gusto mo sya gusto ka nya. Alam nyo yun pero ayaw nyo pa.

Pero mas mahirap ata yung gusto mo sya pero ikaw di mo alam kung gusto ka nya. Mababaliw ka kaiisip kng bakit ganun ang mga ginagawa nya. Di ka naman pwedeng kiligin kasi di mo pwedeng lagyan ng meaning. Kasama mo sya pero di ka pwede magselos at magdemand.

Nakakaloka tong pag ibig. Napakadaming uncertainties. Masarap makipagpatintero sa nararamdaman pero masakit tuwing natataya at nadadapa. Pero what can we do but to live our lives as what we are supposed to. Pag nadapa edi tumayo. Kapag napapagod edi magpahinga. Kapag nasasaktan edi magmahal.
We are created to love because our Creator is
love himself. So wag ka na magtaka kung bakit ka nagmamahal. Wag ka ring magtaka kung bakit ka nasasaktan. Duh. Nagmamahal ka eh. Meron bang naligo na hindi nabasa?

ex stories.

you can turn friends to lovers but you can never turn lovers into friends.

kung sino mang nagsaabi nito at hardcore na naniniwala dito. AKO ang living proof na hindi. 
exception ako sa general rule. exception kami. hahaha. 


hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari o kung paano nagsimula maging okay ang lahat pero isang araw nagising na lang akong di na ako nasasaktan at masaya na akong mabuhay bilang single, bilang ako. isang araw biglang naging okay na ang lahat para samin to catch up with each other. isang araw bigla na lang akong tumigil na umasang magkakabalikan pa kami. masaya ako. masaya sya. masaya kaming hindi kami. 


sabi nga nya we are better off as friends dahil we have longer conversations, we have lots of laughs and less expectations. okay kami. 


one thing we learned is that maybe we gave too much love before kaya matagal bago kami nakabangon. sobra kaming nagmahal na we gave up almost everything to make our relationship work and when it didn't we just collapsed. we were lost. 


ako. i was lost and found by God. (this is another story and another blog entry)


so ayun. we had our hours long phone conversation and it was worthwhile. 


masarap matulog na wala kang regrets dahil alam mong madami kang natutunan.
masarap sa pakiramdam na nagmahal ka at kahit nasaktan ka, at least natututo ka. it made me stronger.


there is a right time for everything. I am blessed that GOD found me when i was broken kaya eto ako ngayon. buong buo dahil sa pagmamahal Niya. :)

paradox.

pwedeng payakap?


ive been like running in circles and i don't know what i want.
actually i do know what i want but i also know i can never have it.


para kasi akong nasa gitna ng mall, nilapitan ng isang mayamang ale na may dalang Hermes bag. pinahawakan sakin saglit at iniwan ako. yung mga taong dumaraan sa harap ko feeling nila ang yaman ko. yung mga kaibigan ko akala nila akin yung bag. so lahat ng tao ineexpect na masaya ako kasi nasa akin yung Hermes bag. pano naman sila maniniwalang di yun akin eh hawak ko nga diba. kami lang nung bag yung nakakaalam na hindi sya akin. oo nga. hawak ko nga sya, pero yung laman ba pwede kong pakialaman? hindi diba. hanggang hawak lang naman ako eh. maya maya kukunin na rin sya ng talangang nagmamay ari sa kanya. wala na akong pakialam kung magpapathank you man o hindi, ang alam ko lang, umasa akong sana akin na lang yung hermes bag. sana ako na lang may-ari. 


siguro. sa lahat ng bag na meron ako. yung hermes bag na yun talaga ang iingatan ko. aalagaan at pahahalagahan.  tagal kong hinintay eh. pero ayun nga. hindi naman kasi sya sakin. 

hey GOD

hey GOD.

i heard this song and I thought of you. 

its amazing how you speak right through my heart
without saying a word you can light up the dark
try as i may i can never explain
what i hear when you dont say a thing.

the smile in your face let's me know that you need me
there's a truth in your eyes that saying that you'll never leave me
and the touch of your hand, says you'll catch me whenever i fall
you say it best, when you say nothing at all. :)

all day long i can hear people talking out loud
but when you hold me near
you drown out the crowd
try as they may they can never define
what has been said between your heart and mine



**********************************************
diba GOD. you are the sweetest. alam ko namang mahal mo ako eh. :)
sometimes I wonder how I survive being alone for years when all my life i never wanted to be alone. i always wanted to have someone who would hold my hand and who would hug me but then parang since I have known you better (nung naging Christian ako) parang natali ako sa pagiging single. 

not that im blaming you ha. pero diba GOD. aminin na natin, boys do come and go. may magpaparamdam tapos mawawala. may nandyan pero bigla kong iiwasan for some weird reason. may gusto akong balikan pero huli na ang lahat at may gustong bumalik pero sablay na. may mahal ako pero may mahal na iba. at palagay ko may nagmamahal sakin, yun nga lang alam nyang may mahal na akong iba... at na Christian ako at sya hindi. 

GOD. love was never out of my mind. i know you created us, humans out of love kaya ganun pero diba. parang minsan, naooverwhelm kami sa idea ng love that we forget its tangible effects. 

i remembered when i was still in a relationship, parang there was a time na gusto ko na maging free, nasasakal ako, napapagod, nafufrustrate, ayaw ko na. so i was given that freedom. eto ako single. hahaha.. 

ngayon namang single ako, i miss the feeling of taking care of someone and being taken care of exclusively. diba. sweet ako whatever pero hindi parin exclusive. iba parin kapag meron kang someone special at mutual ang feeling. haha.

pero GOD. i realized i should never question your timing. baka nga naman bigla mong ibigay eh di ko naman kayanin mga demands nya at hindi nya rin kayanin mga demands ko. sayang lang. sayang lang kami. tama ka. ayoko na ng isang daang frogs na ikikiss para lang magkaprince charming. hintayin ko na lang sya dumating. :)

at isa pa. Lord. tanda mo pa ba yung pinagpepray ko dati?... GOD. surrender na ako. eto na ang ballpen, di ko na aagawin. ikaw na ang magsulat ng lovestory ko. nakakaloka. nauubusan ako ng ideas at nakakafrustrate dahil alam nating dalawa na hindi ko kayang idirect ang buhay nya. kaya ito. ikaw na Lord. 

haha. so ayun. ito na lahat ang nasa isip ko. glad its out.