today

I just woke up and realized that this is the last straw. 

today i will stop thinking of you. today i will stop wishing you are mine and I am yours. Today i will hold my head up high, walk and not wish I am holding your hand. Today I will look at my cellphone not wishing it is you who is calling me. Today i will check messages without expecting that its you who checked up on me. Today i will stop wondering where you are and what you are doing. Today i will stop making poems for you. Today I will stop singing songs with you on my head. Today I'll stop dreaming of a you and me. Today I will not write anything about you. 

Today will be just another day, another futile day of trying to forget you. 

just the way you are

 In a moment of doubt that you are lovable, beautiful and amazing, always remember that there is someone up there, who thinks that you are amazing just the way you are. :) 

Just imagine that is GOD who is singing  this song for you. :)

Just the Way you are. :)

Just the way you are- Bruno Mars

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

there is no satisfaction in waiting.

GOD never said that its going to be easy but HE promised that it will be definitely worth it.

Countless times have I dreamt of finally being someone's wife. Honestly, it came to the point that I don't even want to be a long-time girlfriend just because I know how hard and ugly break-ups could be. It also came to the point that I don't believe in love and sparks anymore. However, life has a funny way of making us say bad things about love and make us eat those words months or years after. 

Waiting is not going to be easy. An Economics Professor once told our class that "THERE IS NO SATISFACTION IN WAITING." Satisfaction can only be seen if we already receive the prize of waiting.

At first, I disagreed believing that waiting in itself is a journey, a few heartaches on the road caused me to finally admit the truth. Indeed, there is no satisfaction in waiting. BUT it does not mean that there is nothing to learn in waiting. 

On the course of it, I learned to be patient, independent, thankful, happy, content, etc.

its just that, life is kinda BORING IF WE ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT EASILY. it would simply make us take that love for granted and easy for us just to leave it for another. Waiting taught me to wait... wait at the right timing. 

Waiting taught me to HOPE. :) NOT to hope in MEN because they usually lead us to disappointments and heartaches rather it taught me to lean on the LORD. :) 

  

why do you love someone who loves another?

Someone asked me, why do you love someone who loves another?

 I answered, "it is in the nature of loving. we may not make them love us but we love them because we want to make them feel loved. We are happy just to see them happy."

naks. nosebleed.

on a serious note: whenever I am sad and hurting, I look up to GOD and try to think like Him. Whenever I complain not being loved in return, I get the same answer from Him. :) It is in His nature.

law school

if asked to describe lawschool in one word, the following will be my choices:

challenging

privilege

blessing

dream

challenging because law school in its deepest essence is the pursuit of knowledge and the art of applying theories in real life. The road will never be easy. The readings will never be short  and sacrifices will never be simple. Day in and day out, our hearts will race and our brains will bleed and yet, masochists as we are, we still study hoping to do better the next time around. 

Privilege because not all are given the desire to pursuit this discipline and even if all has the desire to do so, not all are given the financial capability to enroll and buy the necessary books, codals and photocopies. Even if all has the financial capability and desire, not all are given the chance to finish the pursuit for one reason or another. Probably a different path to take which is better than what one desired.

Blessing, in a sense that though the road is tough, law school shall not be the root and end of a law student's life. It must be just a part of one's life because one must also remember the love of family, friends and GOD who helped one survive every crucial moment and recits. :) 

Dream because whenever I close my eyes- either because I am crying or I am sleepy or I am plainly thankful, all I know is I want to be a lawyer. I picture myself as a working lawyer mom and a loving lawyer wife. haha. see. everything with being a lawyer. :)

love

when love is too much
the love becomes lost.
just a never ending journey
of conquerors and conquering.

when love is too much
love then fades.
just expectations.
lost aspirations.

only when love becomes love.
an action word of acceptance
then it will transcend all odds.
only then will you find me.

-Binay, 2009

Para sa mga anak ng pulis.

10 things to keep in mind kung pulis tatay mo.
by: Sharmagne Joy A. Binay 

1. His job is not confined to the usual 8am-5pm sked.
- most probably, ihanda ang sarili na ma-cancel ang trip abroad, ang family day o kahit grocery day. Minsan kahit pagkain together, masasacrifice just because, He is on duty or on call.

2. Cherish every meal time.
- expect na hindi lagi makakasabay kumain especially lunch kasi usually they are already in duty. Either agahan ang gising or late (SUPER LATE AS IN MADALING ARAW) ang dinner. :)

3. BE cautious and alert.
- normal ang death threats na pwede na maging kasama sa lifestyle ang phone calls and scary text messages. Keep in mind to lock all doors, double check every lock and remember all the fighting techniques just in case... 

4. Ihanda ang sagot na "NASA WORK PO"
- sa sobrang dami ng occassions na mamimiss, dapat memorized na ang sagot na ito. Dapat di na rin mainggit sa mga "happy family" na nasa party at mga father-daughter or father-son o kahit na daddy-mommy games at di ka makasali dahil wala si dad, isipin na lang na para din sa pang tuition o gastusin at sa ikakaligtas ng bayan ang ginagawa nya kaya wala sya sa party para makikagat ng apple at makitusok ng straw sa bote ng coke. :)

5. Maging SOCIABLE at HOSPITABLE.
- sa sobrang dami ng bisita, asking for advice, guidance, assistance, help o kung anu-anu man, dapat handa lagi ang TANG LITRO para magtimpla ng juice at crackers o cake. Irespeto ang mga bisita dahil nandun sila para tulungan.

6. OKAY lang MAGPUYAT
- kung nasa OPERATION sya at umaga na matatapos. Kailangan kahit antok na antok, isang tawag lang para buksan ang gate, dapat pronto dahil baka may kasunod na kalaban (wag naman sana) o dahil kailangan na rin ng pahinga ni dad dahil sa pagod at puyat.

7. maging ANAK.
- late na ako naging sobrang sweet kay Dad. College na ako nung narealize ko na ang mga sinasabi nya na "luwa na ang mata ko kapupuyat makapag-aral lang kayo" kaya hanggat kaya, pinaparamdam ko sa kanya na love ko sya. simple lang: paghahain ng pagkain, paglilinis ng bahay, pagbukas ng TV at aircon, pagbibigay ng unan, pag-akap, pagkiss at minsan pag-alog ng tyan nya.. 

8. MAGING appreciative.
- iba ang kwento ng mga pulis lalo na kung tungkol sa mga naranasan nila habang nasa operation. Kahit ilang oras lang na iparamdam na nakkikinig ka sa kwento nila pantanggal pgod na yun. Feeling ko, kapag alam nila na proud sa kanila ang mga anak nila eh daig pa nila ang sinabitan ng medal.

9. MAGTIPID o MAG-IPON.
-aminin na natin, maliit lang ang sweldo ng mga pulis. kailangan maging maabilidad ka to be able to finance the expenses. Aminado ako that Dad is not just a policeman, negosyante rin sya at legal ang mga yun. (I can affirm that dahil ina-audit ko ang mga yun). kaya konting tipid at pag-iipon lang sa mga naipundar nila is a high point of appreciation of their hardwork.

10. PRAY.
- ITO NA ANG THE BEST THING THAT WE CAN GIVE THEM. pray for their safety and guidance. Prayer of thanks for their physical, mental and psychological strength, hindi madaling magplano at manghuli ng kriminal. hindi madali ang 4 na oras na tulog araw araw. Kaya I thank GOD everytime I see Dad at home. 

SA LAHAT NG MGA PULIS:
saludo po ako sa inyo. Sa inyong matyagang pag-che-checkpoint ngayong election. sa inyong pagtitiis sa init, lamig at pangungutya ng mga taong feeling perpekto. Sa inyong paglilingkod sa bayan at higit sa lahat, sa pagiging magulang sa amin kahit busy kayo. SALAMAT.

*HEY DAD: alam ko wala kang FB at I hope mabasa mo to someday, I love you. sorry kung pasaway ako ha. Basta, i will try my best to make you proud. love love

depressed?

to the person I knew to well,

just continue to walk the path you took. Nobody said that the road to success will be easy because from the moment you had to make a choice, you have to face the consequences of that choice. It is not always about you so try not to be demanding and try not to expect that everyone will consider your feelings or your current situation, they have their own struggles too you know.

Its okay to cry from time to time, stop forcing yourself not to cry by keeping yourself busy, it is a futile attempt to escape reality when you are living in it. Stop living in denial and accept things as they are, you can never control other people- how they feel and how they think. Life is not about making them happy or simply being happy. It is about making Him happy in what you do.

I know sometimes you tend to forget that He is there for you... always. Waiting for a time to talk when you always run and desire to be with somebody else. It is He who desired to spend some time with you and make you feel loved and special because He made you.

Who will know you better than the one who created you? Who will give you the joy that you are looking for?

it is not by what you do or what you say that will make you happy because even if it will make you happy, it is temporary.

God is eternal.

why settle for less?

Trust in Him now. You need Him....

Love.

Joy

to my kapatid

my dearest kapatid.

i know you are enjoying your higschool years and anticipating love everywhere, of course, highschool is the time for secrets, friendships, crushes, "love" and relationships.I understand that you try your best to study when in reality you can't help but think of your crush. You try to be trifty just to be able to buy load so you can text and update your friends about your latest woes and stories. I know that you cherish facebook more than your books because facebook lets you be more than who you are. It can give you car (car town), farm (farm ville) and more importantly, it can give you friends. I understand my dear sister because I was in that stage too.

I know the feeling of being surrounded by people or couples that are in love. I too asked the question on when will I receive a bouquet of roses or a big teddy bear. I also longed for someone who would walk hand in hand with me at school or at the mall, just like my friends. Well, I also dreamt of a boyfriend who will be okay with Mom and Dad, who can visit me at home and spend time with me. I know how you feel.

But dear sister. Let me give you a piece of advice coming from my experiences of heartbreaks and disappointments. I hope that you will learn a thing or two from your ate who survived not because I am strong but because GOD never let me down.

1. Believe in GOD. Baby. With all the problems that our family had been through I cried them all to GOD. Usually, I write letters to Him containing my feelings, how disappointed I am, how mad I was or how hurt I was and well, He never failed to comfort me. He wouldn't fail you too.

2. Respect Mom and Dad. Probably Dad is teasing you alot like what he was used to do when I was growing up, annoying me here and there and Mom is making you do chores that you dont want then spanking or punishing you whenever you fail to follow her instructions. Believe me, they are just training you for the real world. They are just teaching us to be more responsible on little things like putting our dirty clothes in the laundry bag so we can be responsible on bigger things, like taking care of the house and finishing our requirements in school.

3. Enjoy Education and Study Well. Baby, we are privileged to be able to study at schools with quality education. Do not waste it by being addicted to facebook or by being too busy with barkada. Enjoy learning and make our parents feel that we are doing our best to compensate the efforts they are making just to provide us education. Judy, study well and study hard.

4. Lastly, guard your heart. It is easy to have crushes and fall in love but believe me maintaining the relationship is not an easy thing. Commitment is a very strong word. Try not to be blinded by sparkling eyes and to be taken by sweet words because real life is not like the movies or fairytales where a prince will sweep you of your feet.
In reality, before you can live your happily ever after, you have to ensure that you are unbruised, untainted, pure and complete because it would be a very long way to go. You are still in highschool.

Try not to make the same mistakes that I did but if you cannot help it, please do promise me that you will keep yourself pure until the right time you meet your prince charming. Save the kisses for the right one because he is worth the wait.

Kapatid. Ate loves you soooo much and I am so sorry that I have to be miles away from you that I won't be able to see you grow but just like a little bird, you have to spread out your wings and fly on your own. Come out of my shadow and stop comparing yourself to your ate. We are different but I guarantee you, YOU ARE VERY SPECIAL.

I love you but GOD loves you more. :)

love and music

"The thing about love is I never saw it coming.

It kinda crept up and took me by surprise."

- Say it again, Marie Digby

Lots of songs talk about love but I guess more than the melody, what makes us sing the songs are the memories it brings back or the feelings it stirs up. They say music reflect the songs of the heart and some how I agree but sometimes it is the tales of the heart that reflect the songs. 

Different genre reflect the different ways on how people do fall in love. Fast, slow, classical, modern, rock, alternative, etc. The funny thing is it that it includes revival and acoustic versions too.

Slow- for those who believe that the best way to build a strong relationship is through friendship. Where things develop slowly but surely.

Fast- contrary to slow ones, these lovers believe at the spur of the moment love. One look and you simply know that that person is the one. :)

Classical- the manang and manong types, ligaw to the max with the best foot forward, offerings gifts her and there, chocolates everywhere.

Modern- the text lang okay na type. :) no need for the usual meet my parents and let the interrogate you type but more on, let's party and let's see if we can work it out. :)

Rock- the usual love hate relationship. one minute we are on, the next minute we are off. Believe it or not, it usually involves lots of girls. :)

Alternative- jules, jeff, john, jessie, james, name them I have them. this is the lovestory of those who got tired of commitment and started to enjoy boy or girl hopping. :)

Revival- well, those who believe that love is sweeter the second time around. I do not need to elaborate more. :)

Acoustic- this love is somehow complete yet lacking something. More of MU type. Mutual Understanding or Malabong Usapan. :) 

Acoustic love is a hard love to maintain because you feel okay with whatever is happening and yet you wish that somehow there can be more of what you have or what you are experiencing.

well. just like in music, we can never put all the genre in just one song, a mixture can be great but we can never have it all. :)

coffee and milk

coffee and milk. individually are strong and very different. together, mixture extraordinare.

Coffee in its basic form is a strong substance enough to keep us awake for days, created to wake us up from slumber and get a hold of reality. Milk, on the other hand, ahh. hot milk on a glass moms used to make us sip before bedtime indicates that it is to make us forget the real world and allow us to dream.

you see, these are two different concepts and yet people tirelessly invent combinations to satisfy curiousity and wants. Just like love.

Two people of entirely different worlds meet up and tried to sort things out only to be surprised that not all are capable of creating the perfect blend. Either a cup having too much coffee or a cup being too creamy. Love is rarely equal either one dominates where one is overpowered or both are too strong enough to isolate a part of their lives to another.

Finding the perfect blend requires effort, practice and time. However, other factors has to be considered too, the type of coffee and the type of milk (which I think calls for another blog to be discussed).

Effort, practice and time. Time, effort, practice or practice, time and effort.

the question is, is the mere perfection of any of the combinations given enough to make two different people perfect for each other?

joysaya.tumblr.com