one of the sweet songs i ever heard.

kung haharanahin man ako. sana ito na lang. :)

masarap maging single

isang araw magigising ka na lang na alam mong tapos na.
alam mong nabuhay at mabubuhay ka na okay, nandyan man sya o wala.
siguro kailangan nating matuto na mabuhay mag-isa para matuto tayo mag-alaga ng iba.
kailangan matuto tayong maging okay para makatulong sa ibang nangangailangan.
wala namang masama masaktan, minsan kasi, natututo tayo after nating madapa.
walang masama. walang masama na maramdamang nag-iisa.

dahil kapag nag-iisa tayo. tahimik ang paligid. lahat pwede maisip.
at kapag pagod na tayo mag-isip ng kung anu-ano, marerealize nating okay tayo.
nandyan Siya sa tabi natin. kumikilos sa ating buhay, alam man natin o hindi.

nandyan Siya para ipaalala sating hindi tayo nag-iisa. na may nagmamahal satin.
kaya masarap maging single eh, dun mo makikitang hindi dapat sa iisang tao umiikot ang mundo mo.
makikita at mararamdaman mong maraming nagmamahal sayo at na marunong kang magmahal ng walang hinihintay na kapalit.

masarap maging single dahil masarap maramdaman ang pagmamahal ni GOD.

hey stephen

stephen,

i miss you. i miss going out with you. i miss spending time with you. i miss the talks we used to have. i miss the laughs. i miss the pranks we used to pull off. i miss being normal.

it is not everyday that i meet someone like you, you know. maybe that is one of the reasons why i'm still here with you. You are an amazing person and it would really break my heart if you'll be with someone who would just treat you like trash. So please, be careful in giving your heart. At any rate, i'll be here behind you and to support your decisions.

love,
your fan. :)

nakakapagod

ikaw lang naman ang hinihintay ko eh... at pagod na ako.

... 

1 sem down. 7 more to go.

apart from Me, you are nothing...

after ko makita ang grades ko.... sarap ng sigaw kong "YES!" sa Dean's office.

oo. pumasa ako sa unang sem ko sa lawschool. trial sem ko to. hahaha. maraming sablay. maraming kalokohan. maraming tulog. maraming kabalbalan. maraming kaartehan. maraming katamaran at maraming kalandian.

kung paano ako pumasa? hindi ko pwedeng sabihing aral lang, tiyaga at tibay ng loob.

dahil kung ito lang ang basehan, kalagitnaan pa lang sumuko na ako sa labanan. hindi tinrain ang utak kong magbasa ng sobrang dami, magmemorize ng sobrang tindi at recite habang nagjajumping jacks ang puso ko.

whatever I had done is not enough. there is Someone up there who inspired me that I can do things more than what I can imagine. Someone up there who reminded me that my value is not based on the grades that I get after a recit or a quiz or even major exams. Someone up there who pushed me to go this far though I thought I could never go on after a depressing day. Someone who moved hearts of professors to adjust cut-offs.

I am glad that I am not alone in my journey here in Law School...

I can always depend on that Someone who loves me unconditionally. 

I love you, GOD.  

letters

dear you.

selfish ako kaya hihilingin kong sana dyan ka lang. wag ka aalis. o kung aalis ka man, please please wag mo akong iiwan ng matagal. pwede ba yun?. all my life i've ran away from people that i should have kept and loved. this time i don't wanna make the same mistake again. please do stay. i will wait. i will wait for the longest time because I know you will be worth every second of waiting and hoping. I'm just saying that please, the moment you found me, please don't go, let's grow old together.

grades na bukas.

wala ng sasakit pa sa masakit na katotohanan.

bukas ko na makikita ang grades ko. kung pano ko hinandle ang first sem ko dito sa lawschool. wow. nakaone sem na ako pero pakiramdam ko, baguhan pa ako. siguro nga, you can never be too ready sa law school. anyway. hindi ko alam ang ieexpect ko. natatakot akong makita na hindi talaga ako pang-law school dahil shocks, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kung hindi ako para dito. 

buong buhay ko ata, pinangarap kong magsabi ng "objection, your honor" o makipagdebate kung sinu-sino o kaya naman eh magbasa ng mga kaso. 10 years old pa lang ako, fascinated na ako sa Revised Penal Code. Nasabi ko na bang enjoy akong nagbabasa ng mga kaso ng tatay ko. shocks. baka di ko kayanin kung malalaman kong hindi ako para dito. na hindi ako pang law school.

mas matatanggap ko atang sabihin sakin na hindi na ako papayat kesa naman sabihin saking kahit kelan hindi ako magiging abogada.

****************
GOD,
pinanghahawakan ko ang sinabi mo sakin bago ako pumasok dito... "bloom to where i am planted..".. eto naman ako ah.. tulungan mo lang ako. :)

falling in love and waiting

after some time alone i realize why i usually get frustrated and disappointed with love.

• i overanalyze things
• i expect too much
• fear of rejection 
• fear of being controlled
• fear of heartbreak

in short... masyado ata akong nagmamadali. 

falling in love is not a choice but staying in love is. there would come a time that the kilig factor will be gone, feelings will turn sour and bitterness will be there but that's also the time where we can ask ourselves if we really love this person.

if despite everything and we still think of that someone, if we still long to be with that someone, if we still miss spending time with that someone... well, we can say, we are choosing to stay in love with that person. He is a nice person and i don't want to assume anything out of it but i am grateful of the lessons i'm learning because he is in my life. 

_+_+__+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_

i am a control-freak and honestly, i do not want to be tied down to anything or anyone.. until i met this person whom i cannot control and who can make me smile even if i am with him despite my schedule. 

after meeting him i realized that i should not rush going into a relationship because there is a right time. i should enjoy the ride and learn from this phase. 

waiting is part of a phase if you are looking for a long term relationship. its teaching you to be patient, to be more understanding, to be committed, to be appreciative and less demanding. it teaches you to love. 

awakening

maybe its wrong to say please love me too because i know you'll never do.

mahal kita kaya lang tama na. hindi na tama ang patuloy na ganito, ang pag-iisip kung ano ka, ano ako, ano tayo. hindi naman mutual understanding dahil walang understanding in the first place. hindi ko nga maintindihan kung bakit masyado kitang iniisip o masyado kong nilalagyan ng meaning yang mga ginagawa mo o yung mga nangyayari. okay na ako sa malayo eh, malayong paghanga, bakit ba kasi lumapit ka pa. ayan tuloy, di ko naman mapipigilan ang sarili kong umasa. at di ko ring mapipigilan ang sarili kong masaktan tuwing nakikita kong kahit andun ako sa tabi mo, iba parin ang hinahanap mo. 


naglolokohan lang ba tayo?. pinaparamdam mo saking andyan ka pero meron kang mahal na iba. sasabihin kong wala lang, okay lang ako pero ang totoo hindi naman. pero ngayon eto na. matapos ang ilang taon, nagising na ata ako sa katotohanang wala na. 


tama na. mahal kita. pero pagod na ata akong umasa. actually wala naman tong kinalaman sayo eh. haha. wala namang magbabago sa kung anong meron tayo. siguro akin lang to. 


maybe i got over the phase of being in love with love itself.


so there. 

heart versus mind

how close is being too close?


being close to someone you love is never an easy feat. it is a constant struggle of following your heart and following your brain. especially when it is a one-sided love affair (aka. mahal ko sya pero may mahal syang iba). not that i'm bitter to those guys who treats their girl bestfriend as special but as a girl who loves that guy, unknowingly he puts her to a deep confusion. 


we can't blame the girl for falling for her bestfriend or we can't blame her for letting him be close despite her feelings but we can't blame the guy too for falling in love with someone else.
as we all know, falling in love is not a choice, staying in love is. we can't choose who we will love but we can at least find a way to divert attention to lessen it.


so back to the dilemma: the girl fell in love with her bestfriend and she knew that he likes/loves someone else. 


we can't blame a guy for being naturally sweet and caring because in his mind that's how a bestfriend should act out but we should not blame the girl too for admiring her bestfriend and making him as a standard for what a guy should be.


so she is in a struggle. heart versus mind. example:


SCENE: a guy spends time with his bestfriend.
HEART: he is doing it because he wants to know me better, he likes me.
MIND: he does this with all of his friends or if not, you are the only one available that time... or that's what bestfriends do, spend time with each other. 


SCENE: a guy puts on extra-effort in meeting his bestfriend.
HEART: he is doing it because finally he loves me.
MIND: he is doing it because he is a friend and that's how friends should be... very caring.


BOTTOMLINE:
a girl can never tell whether a guy likes her or not based on his actions alone. she can always assume but she can never be too sure. if a guy likes a girl, sooner or later he will admit it and that's the only way to confirm if the guy really likes her. 
without it, its plain friendship and that is what a bestfriend shall enjoy or endure, depending on her outlook.


to be positive about it. not all can be so close to the ones they love. eventually feelings will fade and friendship shall remain.


but if GOD wills it that the love will be reciprocated, then what a good foundation it is for a long-lasting marriage. 

love.

i prayed for Prince Charming, i got Mr. Alarming
I asked for Mr. Right, I got Mr. Wrong.
I wanted Mr. Congeniality, I got Mr. Individuality.


I used to be a Hopeless Romantic, I became Romantically Hopeless.
I was a dreamer, now I am kinda bitter.
I thought I didn't care, now I realized I was just fooling myself.


I thought it was never my fault but now I know at some point it is mine to blame.
I realized that its not how others have hurt me but how i reacted to what had happened.
I can never control things to go my way but I can still be happy of what I have.


GOD doesn't always give us what we want because what we want may not necessarily give us the happiness that we want to achieve at the end of the day. What He gives us are those that we need because He knows the best and that "best" can really make us happy.


so now, i guess. I just have to let go of the driver's wheel, hand it over to GOD and sit on the passenger's seat.